Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
