can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Go christen that room with your naked body.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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