I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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