Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
