obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize