I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
he was CRYING into my vagina
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
