im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Randomize
