This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
