I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
