I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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