apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
