We won't sleep together?
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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