Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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