I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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