some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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