Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Randomize
