Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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