Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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