this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Randomize
