I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
