Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
