I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
