Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Randomize
