he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
