He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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