on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
