every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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