She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Randomize
