Have you finally orgasmed yet?
At least make sure they are 18
Why
Pappa wants mamma naked
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Randomize