I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
