We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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