They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
