i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
