After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
