Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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