She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
