Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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