Tell her she can't have a vagina
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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