Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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