I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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