Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
You should frame my arrest warrant.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Randomize
