I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
