Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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