Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
she was so not down for the gang bang
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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