Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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