dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
