you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
