hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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