My brain says no but my pants say off.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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