he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
