I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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