Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize