gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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