a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
