Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
