p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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