I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Randomize
