hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
We talked him into tasing himself.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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