Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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