Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
