Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize