I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
