So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize