what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
