I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
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