what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
