If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
