I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
